Up yours Simon

Fantastic! No X factor number 1 for Christmas. When X factor started, the plan is that whoever wins is guaranteed the Christmas number 1. No mater how good the actual song is, the X factor sheep will buy it, just because it's X factor. If John and Edward had won, and they released a version of my way whilst picking their noses and farting in a bucket, it would still be expected to reach number 1. Well tough! Merry Christmas. Lets have another campaign next year!

Cleaners worth more than bankers

Cleaners are worth more to society than bankers. Most of us have known this for ages, but a BBC report shows us that hospital cleaners create £10 worth of value for every £1 they earn, whereas bankers lose us £7 for every £1 that they earn. Also on the same subject, an arcade in Southwold has a "Whack a banker" game, and the game is so popular, that the mallets get worn out quickly.
These people must be the most hated in Britain!

Banks again

The bank account of a lads football team in Derbyshire went overdrawn by less than £3, and the bank stung them with £800 in bank charges. This works out at thirty one and a half thousand percent interest. Who are the loan sharks in this case eh? Read it here

Radio Licence

I thought the radio licence was scraped ages ago, but apparently not. Did you know that you need a licence to have the radio on at work? We have been contacted by the licencing authorities about having a radio at work without a licence. Someone has reported us. They could only have spotted it by starring through the window, rather than overhearing it, as it does not work! This sad individual obviously has naff all in his (or hers) life and wants to try and spoil someone else's fun. What is the point eh? Most of us wouldn't know that you needed a licence, or even who you should report it to. lets hope you are proud of yourself; sneaks in my school got what they deserved. What a daft law! The petition to get it stopped has failed.

Whats the point of twitter?

I signed up for a twitter account, posted a "twit" (or whatever it's called), then saw the light and closed my account. What is the point of twitter? You post a message to say what you are doing, and all of your followers (1 in my case), can read it. I'm beginning to understand Facebook now; you can post photos for everyone to see, and the messaging works quite well. Why not just use the status instead of Twittering??
If someone has found it useful please let me know. I see Google are getting on the act now with Wave, You cant even join Wave without an invite. now that's elitist!
If you want to know what I'm doing, just give me call!

Cheating

I feel sorry for the Irish, not only have they got Jerk and Backward in X factor, but their footy team has been knocked out of the world cup by a blatant handball by Thierry Henry. He has admitted it, but says it's down to the ref to disallow the goal. This game should be replayed, but the fact is FIFA don't want Ireland in the world cup as they haven't got any big name players like Thierry Henry. Mind you they don't have any cheats either.

Moaner - AGAIN

Here he goes again!
You think I moan a lot! Alex "tosser" Ferguson, once again it's the refs fault when his team loses.
Lets hope it shouldn't have been a goal, then perhaps he'll explode with rage, and we can all get a bit of peace.
Talking of crap football teams - Charlton Athletic - I'm ashamed to be a supporter today after losing to Northwich Victoria. It is bad enough losing to a non-league team, if say we had hit the post, or their goalie played a blinder, but we were CRAP! We deserved to lose. Maybe we wanted to lose, that's the only explanation. We need a new manager.........................NOW

Another hour in a queue on the M25

Last night
burnt out truck
blocked 2 lanes
junction 8 anti-clockwise
1 hour in queue
nuff sed
........................................ GOING MAD ............................

John and Edward

X Factor - Very irritating ITV dross. But I can't help getting into the argument about John and Edward. As far as I can tell, they are a couple of big-headed, cocky gits with dyed blond hair that is styled by superglue, and who cant sing. The only reason they are still in is because they are Irish. If they win then god help us all.
Don't vote for them, get the T-Shirt

How low can you go

It amazes me how despicable people can be.
I donated an old hand-held organiser to the charity shop that I work in on Saturdays. It was not very valuable, about £5 at the most. When I went in last Saturday, it had been stolen. The moron who did it, left the case behind, with its £3 price tag.
OK, so £3 is not a huge amount to lose, but I would have preferred to chuck it in bin, rather than let some thick scum get hold of it.
If this idiot requires the services of the charity in the future, will he give the money back?
Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Put it in perspective

We all like to moan and complain about things. There are so many injustices in this world, and we mistakenly believe that complaining will help. Sometimes, something happens to bring some sort of perspective to this.
A 12 year old boy has collapsed and died at our local school. Our thoughts go out to the parents and friends and relatives of this young lad. You cant imagine what they must be going through. Having lost my wife at an early age, I can relate to losing someone, but losing a child must be almost impossible to bear.
I hope more resources will be devoted to finding effective treatments and cures for life limiting illnesses, rather than weapons to kill and maim people.
That's all. R.I.P.

Rear Wheel Steering

I was driving behind a truck this morning that had a sign on the back - "Danger Rear Wheel Steer" - Eh? So what? Should I be scared of this fact? Is it suddenly going to go backwards?
Should we have some more signs on our cars? "Danger - Radio on loud", "Warning - lost geezer in Charge"

Pensions

Is it worth doing a pension? This is a great big con.
Because I have had several jobs, I have a few small pensions floating about. I got a statement the other day. The pension pot is now £1000 less than it was 1 year ago, and buys me a pension 0f £300 per year. Was it worth saving? Where's that £1000 gone? Why cant I invest this money myself? I wouldn't have lost that much.
Why dont we just scrap private pensions, and pay extra tax to the government and get them to pay us when we retire? Hey hang on, that's how it used to be eh?

PIN

On using the cash machine at Tesco this morning, it instructed me to type in my PIN number. Why does it add the word "number" ? PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, so it asked me to type in my Personal Identification Number Number. - Hmmm....................................

Here we go again

That infantile moron, Alex Furguson, has blamed the ref for his teams defeat in the charity shield match. How many more times are we going to hear this pathetic self-centred dipstick bleat on and on about it's always the refs fault when his team loses? The idiot wont even talk to the BBC about it. Grow up dickhead!

Camping

Do you have to be mad to go camping? What fun we had. Putting the tent up in the rain, 10 minute walk to the bogs, 3 showers for the whole camp, more rain, kids pulling the tent pegs out at 3 in the morning, insomniac seagulls squawking a 4am, yet more rain, sleeping fully clothed because its so bleeding cold and wet, cramp in both legs due to the cold, even more rain, sharing your dinner with wasps and flies, taking the tent down in rain. Cant wait for the next time. Think I'll just sit in a puddle, and get someone to throw wet sponges at me whilst doing seagull noises very loudly!

Dartford River Crossing

On Tuesday, there was a power failure in the Dartford area, and the Dartford river crossing was free, until some bright spark managed to start the generator (boo). Apparently the traffic flow was great until then. Back to the good old days.
If they made it free, then traffic congestion would be eased. It's been paid for twice over anyway.
The crossing is owned by a French company so the profits aren't even coming here!
We car owners just sit back back and let everyone rip us off. Time for the motorists to rise up!

Credit Crunch affects us all

Until now, the credit crunch has not affected me. I still had my job, and all my bills were paid. However, I did run on a bank overdraft, and now my bank has withdrawn that facility. To be fair, they have given me a year to do it, but I now have to make serious savings each month.
It seems bizarre that the bankers who caused this mess are still highly paid, and the normal hard working population have to pick up the pieces.
I need to live on baked beans for the next year - could be interesting round my house!

Your Wrong

There's a barber shop in Wickford with a sign outside that says "Your nuts not to come in". The usage of Your instead of You're drives me nuts. The sign actually means that my nuts must not come in the shop - ok, so they wont. Another advert in a Newsagents shop started with the line "While your working in London.."

There are many examples of poor English; mixing up There and Their (What's there address?), To and Too (I can come to), New and Knew (If you new it was true). When I worked in Liverpool, there was a bakers shop with a sign that said "Are new phone number is .."
I know I'm crap at English, but I know what words to use. Why can't the rest of us?

Go on then, reply with "Get a life"

Another Arsebook Scam

Watch out for the e Platinum credit card advert on Arsebook. It says £5000 limit and no credit check. That's impossible surely? Correct, it is. This is not a credit card, it's a catalogue with extortionate prices and a £5 monthly fee. And almost £100 to join. What a rip off! Read about it here.

How many days 'till Christmas?

Our local rag has an advert for Christmas parties. You need to book now. Come on guys.. Christmas is fine, but only at Christmas time. Do we need to book 7 months in advance?
We need a new law in this country: No mention about Christmas until December.
My favourite day of the year is Christmas day. Why? Because it's the only day of the year that my family don't talk about Christmas. By the way it's 217 days to go.
BAH HUMBUG!

Man Utd - AGAIN

So the scum have won the league again. The premiership is getting very boring and predictable. Pick one from Man Utd, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. Probably in that order. These clubs will be the top 4 for the next 10 years, unless some billionaire comes in to buy Tottenham, Wigan, Aldershot, Tranmere or Scunthorpe. The money should be spread around on a much more fairer basis. These 4 get stinking rich, and other clubs go to the wall, with huge points deductions. look at poor old Leeds, Bournemouth and Luton.
It might help if the people of Luton went to support their local team, rather than watching Man Utd on the TV.
Lets hope the scum don't have it all their own way - Come on Barca!

Expenses

The Mp's expenses saga rolls on and on. It's a disgrace that they have been paid for things like cleaning the swimming pool, plasma TV's and clearing out their moat(?!). But surely the system is at fault here? If you are allowed to claim for these things, then why not?
Probably the best bet is to scrap the second home allowance, and make them sleep in a broom cupboard in the houses of parliament. Sounds too mean eh? Well, ok, we'll give them one of the crisp/sweet machines that you find in Traveloges, cant have the poor buggers starving can we?

How many Ford mechanics does it take to change a lightbulb?

I have had to change both headlight bulbs on my Ford Focus recently, and it is almost impossible. The nearside has the battery in the way, and you need tiny hands just to be able to reach the light bulb holder. The Fiesta is even worse, you have to remove the radiator grille. I have heard that the KA is worse still. It's not just Fords, it appears that most modern cars have the same problem. It looks like it is done so that you have to pay them to do it for you. This is should be the simplest of tasks that the motorist can do, yet it's another rip off!

New and improved

I have a leaflet from the RAC explaining about their new and improved insurance. I don't want to be pedantic but, if something is new then nothing came before it so it cant be improved. Just thought you should know.

Piggy Flu

DONT PANIC! DONT PANIC! Piggy Flu is coming.
There's nothing better for the news media, than a good old scare story. The government must be loving it, as it diverts attention away from the cock ups that they and the banks have made with our economy. How serious is the risk to us in reality? Probably not much. About 150 deaths in Mexico, but in that time, how many have died prematurely of Cancers, road accidents etc? But I expect holidays to Mexico will be cancelled, and more airlines and holiday companies will go bust. Pork sales will drop. A few cases in Europe, and all recovering well. We have enough medicine for half the population - that's reassuring init?
Remember SARS and bird flu? They came to nothing, and so will this.
A message to the mews media: "Shut up and put things into proportion"
Anyway, I've not been well. "Achoo! Oink Oink"

Budget

The papers are moaning about the 50% tax rate for those earning over £150,000 per year. Can anyone tell me what is wrong with taxing people that can afford it? Surely it's a good idea. (Unless you earn over £150k of course!). These fat cats are so rich anyway, that they can hire expensive accountants to fiddle the system, so they don't have to pay the high rate.
We will all suffer because, what will happen is, for example, expensive footballers will demand a pay rise to compensate for their loss of income, so the clubs will put up the match ticket prices, so the poor man pays more to watch the match. The banks will put up their charges and reduce their interest rates on savings, so this is a tax on the poor anyway! The rich win whatever way you look at it.
I don't want communism, but we do need a fairer system. Higher tax on the rich is fair - so there!

Man Utd to win the cup

Of course Man Utd will win the FA cup after the FA have appointed Mike Riley to referee the semi final against Everton. He is a Man Utd supporter! Check it out here. How many penalties will he give them? Would he like an Everton defender sent off? If Man Utd are a goal down, how much injury time would they like? - You heard it here first!

Politics & Pornography

Or should that be Pornography & Politics?

Does anyone care a flying foxtrot that Jacqui Smiths husband watched a pornographic movie? No, it's the fact that we paid for it! It couldn't have been a very good movie, as it was on Virgin after all.
In the real world we have to be careful what we claim for. Politicians appear to be able to claim for everything. As if they don't earn enough already. More greed as usual. B'stards!

Good News

I have just switched my mobile from Orange to ASDA, it it worked! Yes, I know it's supposed to, but we have been accustomed in the country to things going horribly wrong, and then having to explain to someone in India what has happened, So when things work, we a pleasantly surprised. Now I can make calls for 8p a minute and send texts for 4p. I have been putting offf changing my gas supplier until the summer, so that if it goes wrong, we wont freeze!

Facebook IQ test scam

Watch out for the IQ test on Arsebook! I got a notification that that two people I know has IQs of 127 and 112, and I should take the test to see if I could beat it. Well the test was very easy, so I made sure I got every question wrong; my IQ was 7. Then you have to type in your mobile number, but the costs are at the bottom of the page. It's £5 to start, then they send you text messages until you text STOP to them. Type in Facebook, scam, IQ test in Google; They've been at it for ages. Facebook should stop this, but I guess they make a wad of cash out of it too.

No jobs for the boys

So the Poles are going home to find that the Ukrainians and Chinese have taken all their jobs for less money, and they are naturally upset. Well BOO HOO, tough titties, now you know what it feels like!

The dangers of Facebook

A girl from Essex has been fired because she wrote on her Facebook page that her job was boring. I did warn everyone that is was dangerous to put stuff on Facebook that anyone can read, but I can't help thinking how petty her employer is. She didn't mention the name of her employer, but now everyone knows! So, Ivell Marketing & Logistics, not only are you a very boring company to work for, you also have no sense of humour and no common sense either! Blimey, even the company name sounds boring.

Bonuses

Can you believe these bankers? They get £20 billion from the government (in other words - us) and then want to spend £1 billion of it on bonuses!
A bonus is to reward employees when a company makes a profit. Well that's what it is in my line of business. The bankers are on a different planet eh?
If this stupid government lets them get away with it, then they should be ashamed. So while the rest of us struggle with the credit crunch, the idiots that caused it get huge payouts. Funny old world isn't it?

Hospital Car Park Charges

Hospital car park charges are obscene. To make a profit on someone receiving medical treatment, or those visiting sick relatives is exploitation. Hospitals claim that the money goes to the NHS, and that charges are there to deter non hospital visitors. If you have to rush someone to A & E, the last thing you think of is getting enough change for the car park. It's free in Scotland and Wales, so why not in England? Are we subsidising them? Vote in the Daily Mail poll here.

It's all about money

Well that's it, money is more important than peoples lives. A 78 year old man has died after bailiffs forced him to a cash machine to pay a speeding fine. He was only late paying the fine because he was in hospital recovering from a heart attack. I hope the bailiffs and the courts are happy with their work today ! disgrace !

Well said Mr Benitez

It's about time someone stood up to Alex (twat face) Ferguson, so it's very refreshing to hear Rafael Benitez unleashing the truth at last. All refs are biased in favour of Man Utd. (How much injury time do you want Mr Ferguson? When would you like your penalty Mr Ferguson?) . Man Utd win games by hounding the ref and the other officials, usually at half time so that they are influenced for the second half. Benitez is correct in saying that Twat Face always goes unpunished for the bollocks he comes out with about referees. The FA are scared of him as his is the most powerful club in the county (probably in the world), and as such has a huge influence
It looks like the scum are going to win the league again this season, and it's not deserved, so lets hope Liverpool continue playing well, and beat them this time!

Crime

Which is more serious; Drugs or litter? Fraud or Speeding? The answers are obvious of course, but has anyone told the police?
Look at the extraordinary lengths that Hackney council are using to catch litter louts, maybe they should spend that money on the drugs problem. I don't mean chasing the dealers, but support for the victims and their families. If you inform the police of drug dealers in your area, they just say "Thank You" and do nothing. The plain fact is that it is EASY to catch litter louts, and very to DIFFICULT to catch drug dealers.
Whilst I'm on about this; what about the thousands of speed cameras we now have? These are simply a revenue generating scheme and have nothing to do with road safety. The boy racers know where the camera are, and the only people caught are those unfamiliar with the roads, doing 40 in a 30 zone.
I'm just off to do some shopping now, I'll drive to ASDA at 31mph and chuck a newspaper out of the car on the way. I'll probably end up in jail. Or perhaps I'll become a real criminal, and then the police wont touch me.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you all.
I have had a great Christmas and New Year. in fact, I'm so happy, I cant think of anything to moan about! Not being able to moan is a bit depressing for me, but I expect something will crop up in the next few days. I need to explore the outer limits of the M25 again on Tuesday, so I'm bound to be spending a few hours in a queue!